To move away from home, from familiar surroundings and the supportive net of family and friends, disturbs the balance of the whole family. Roles of married couples often change, especially if one spouse leaves a job to follow the other on a career track. The parenting responsibility changes or becomes more even, which can evoke regret and anger in the beginning.
Open communication within the family is crucial in the first year. It is important that children are allowed to talk about uncomfortable feelings, such as anger, despair and regret, in order to reduce inappropriate behaviour and prevent that these emotions affect the behaviour outside the home.
Children in school/Teenagers
Children in school often share the honeymoon stage with the parents but then continue to the next stage of the culture shock, when the difference frightens them. The atmosphere at home also affects them.
It is common that in the beginning, teenagers become angry and rebellious because of the moving. They are more strongly rooted with their peers in social life and school in the homeland than their younger siblings who assimilate more easily to a new situation. But when time passes, and with appropriate support from the parents, open communication and patience, they begin to boast to their friends “at home” about exiting life in a new country.
Good and bad
The good is that the family’s culture shock will end sometime, the bad thing is that the only way to get rid of it is to go through it. Parents have to be prepared for six difficult months. Here are some suggestions to parents in order to make the assimilation easier:
Be patient, patient, and more patient, in listening and discussing with the children, much more than before. Be available as much as possible.
Explain the culture shock and its stages for them, no matter which age they are. Parents often underestimate children’s understanding.
Make sure the children can allow themselves to express their anger or other so-called negative feelings, so their frustrations are not expressed in inappropriate places outside the home (for instance, if the child gets excited in school, when it has never behaved like that before).
Don’t deny the existence of the culture shock. If you are a perfectionist, not allowing time for assimilation, then you can fixate your family in a difficult stage of the culture shock. Some children seem to be able to go smoothly through changes. Others can’t, and if their sensitivity to this situation is denied, it can extend the “runaway” stage.
Create as much stability as possible and create a new family-pattern as soon as possible. Stable habits are important. Be present, to discuss with your children what is new and different in their environment and answer all questions. Keep to your values in upbringing and make sure to help them get foothold. Help your children to join other children in playing outside, which brings children together
If you feel that your child, children or family are not adjusting to the new environment, don’t hesitate to seek help with experts. There is no shame to seek external consultation. It is often possible to achieve much with an objective, trained expert. There is no reason to suffer an unnecessary longstanding stress, seek help!
Don’t count on being a perfect parent in this period. Do your best, be always flexible and retain your sense of humor.